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02.09
2012

Two things that I am proud of myself for today:

1) for dragging my sorry ass out of bed today, when I was overcome with anxiety about my life and actually going for the run that I had wanted to do.  I got up and ran 3.7 miles and felt fantastic both during and after.  I was really happy that I didn’t choose to stay in bed or lounge around until I had to go to work.

2) for having a meaningful conversation with a colleague (that I don’t know too well but we were working together tonight) about my fears about continuing to work in this field.  It is a rather negative environment and as a result, when I come to work, I shut my feelings off as soon as I get here.  I told her that my fear is that it’s too easy for me to do that and I don’t want that spilling into my personal life - that numbing feeling.  I want to be able to go to work and be myself and feel joy.  I am pretty proud of myself for admitting that to her, even though we barely know one another.

Two things that I am thankful for:

1) I am very thankful that in my one day visit I had in my hometown a couple of weeks ago, I happened to have lunch with my cousin, and an aunt and an uncle, whom I very rarely see.  The last time I saw that uncle was probably 3 or 4 years ago (he lives in another town) but he happened to be in town the day I was because he had an appointment at the hospital.  It turns out that he only has a few months to live, so I am very thankful that I had that opportunity to see him.

2) I am thankful that I am healthy.  I have always been someone that has been rather relatively healthy - no major injuries, no major illnesses (hell, I rarely ever even get a cold and I am pretty sure I’ve never gotten the flu!).  I have a dear friend who has been battling pain and illness for years and I just cannot begin to fathom how incredibly frustrating that would be and how totally powerless (and angry!) she must feel.  So no matter what, I am thankful that I am healthy.  *knock on wood!;)

Four goals that I will accomplish tomorrow:

1) I will get up and go for at least a 3 mile run tomorrow before work.

2) I will email the Hospital Social Work contact I have to see if we can set up a time to meet and discuss possible job opportunities or volunteer options.

3) I will apply to at least two job postings and put a lot of effort and thought into the cover letters (I know I have been mildly lackadaisical in this regard, in the past).

4) I will complete the EPIK application form (to teach English in Korea - an option I am considering) and ask two people to write a reference letter for me.


I'm Kim and I am a 32 year old gay woman that is on a mission to find happiness and contentment. I have always considered myself to be optimistic and to see the good in everything; howevever, I have also had this nagging sense of fear that has prevented me from being truly happy. I am ready to take some big personal risks, in order to change this and see what life brings me.